I took a 2-month rest from writing because I started to doubt the value of my written work. I write with the main purpose of sharing my thoughts and helping people understand them, but it seems that only few, mostly my friends, are interested to read them. I was losing my motivation to write until this question reminded me:
Why do I write?
I will tell the answer I found in a story.
Finding the Right Finds
I resigned from my job in July 2016. My original plan after graduation was to work in NGOs or government agencies because I want to apply what I learned from my college degree. It was not my first choice to work in a bank, or maybe, one of my least choices, but I learned so much in two years. Different circumstances rocked the boat, so I decided to quit and find the right job.
Before embarking on the right job, I thought of postponing my job search and wait for the right time to work. When I did resume my job search, I realized I lacked some of the required skills and experience which reduced my guts to pursue my dream careers. I was very hesitant to leave my comfort zone to do community work. I was pointed towards writing jobs as the alternative, but soon discovered my insufficient writing skills. This reality exposed that I need to learn more and improve the right skills in my chosen career path.
I was all set to work but I haven’t found the right job. Last April 2017, I decided to focus on improving my writing skills while sending applications during my job hunt. My love for writing was growing, but it could not suffice to improve my skills, so I decided to find the right routine and habits.
Honestly, I am not good at being consistent and I find it difficult to establish routines. My current situation is: I keep trying, failing, and starting all over again. The cycle continues.
Result of Findings
I realized that I tried finding the following since July 2016:
- Right job
- Right time to work
- Right skills
- Right routines and habits
And I still found none of them.
Did I waste my year?
It may be a yes for goal-driven workaholics. Actually, I used to be one of them. But then again, I am still one of them.
Finding Something out of Nothing
To answer my own question, I realized that nothing was wasted because I found the most important thing.
I FOUND GOD – AGAIN.
While finding the right job, I found Jesus telling me not to worry about tomorrow because He will provide our family’s needs. He told me to seek Him first because He is all I need to be satisfied (Matthew 6:25-34).
While determining the right time to work, God reminded me there is a time to work and rest. Human standards of time are different from God’s standards, and He is working in every moment of my life (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).
While still finding the right skills, I realized how weak I am, and found God’s sufficient grace because His strength is made perfect in my weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9) and His wisdom against my foolishness (1 Corinthians 1:18-31).
While still finding my right routines and habits, I found that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength even if I lack discipline, motivation, and resources (Philippians 4:13).
When I always tried to find comfort and escape from pains, I found that Jesus carried the cross, endured every pain and suffering, and died the death He did not deserve just to save m efrom eternal punishment. The most important news is that He resurrected, which gives me hope for eternal life that comes from God.
I may not have found what I want, but I found what I need the most. In all things, especially in uncomfortable circumstances, I found Jesus Christ as my supreme treasure.
My daily experiences of His love, grace, and goodness drives me to write and share these things to everyone. If I could go back and change my past, I would not exchange knowing and gaining Christ for finding the temporary pleasures of this world (Philippians 3:8).